the sound of white noise.

last sunday i went down to hcmc.
i was headed to the knapp rehabilitation wing.

i really don't enjoy hospitals.
not many people do i guess.
something about the certainty of death that creeps into the back of your mind.

maybe it's the cold air in there, cold with a recycled feel to it.
not like outside. not like fresh air.

the quiet, and the maze-like layout do little to help the claustrophobic feel, and the machines attached to needles and tubes scattered throughout the endless hallways don't help ease you into it.

you really can't help but get a little lost making your way through the various buildings and units. or is it wards?

eventually i found my way to the correct room, in the correct unit, of the correct building.
but i had to stand there for just a minute before i could knock on the door.

i knew on the other side of that door was a good friend of mine.
and i knew she was alive.

as i hesitated, for that second or two, i was scared.
scared to see a friend injured.
it is something i have never wanted to see.

it wasn't hard to tap on the door, and it wasn't hard to be in that room.
it only took a moment of hesitation to know that this wasn't about me.

tap. tap. tap.

it was sad to see the splints, and casts, and bandages, and machines.

but it was worth a thousand petty fears to hear a familiar voice.
see a familiar face.
feel a familiar warmth.
it was even more important to realize that all of those things easing me at that moment, were also being reciprocated back, and helping ease a bit of the same worries in that room.

and without any effort on my part.
all i had to do was get to that door, and know what to do as i stood in front of it.

it's important to be reminded that at the end of the day all we have is friendships.
the rest is just white noise.

i wanted to make this post, because it's easy to forget that.
take the time to remind yourself anytime you get the chance.


thank you to everyone that has commented or sent emails regarding my friend julie.
it means alot. leave her a note too.