Monday, April 28, 2008

double sighting.

yes, it's true.

the elusive winter beast known formally as the yeti, but popularly as the abominable snowman was sighted not once but twice this past weekend!
both times ironically at cycling events!

i know, crazy right? why would there be a cycling event in the type of climate that the elusive yeti prefers? well, i can't answer that. maybe al gore can.
if not gore, then skibby should be able to.

anyway, the first sighting of the elusive abominable snowman (snow-person? what's the pc protocol?) was near the start of the ken woods course. just a few short miles after turn one, in fact.

dan swanson saw it too. we both had to stop to see if our eyes were deceiving us.
it is still unclear.

either way, with the wind gusts at 40mph and the snow blowing sideways- our races were over.
...and no definitive proof of the elusive abominable snowman to show for it.
oh well.

the next day, i joined the little guy and super rookie on a festive lycra-clad sunday jaunt over to excelsior, for some bike racing action.
again the snow started coming down, and the body temps dropped drastically.
soon, as my uncontrollable shivering made it difficult to control my bike, i tailed off just a tad from the others.
that, of course, is when i saw it! (or, think i did anyway. i may have been hallucinating).

yes, the yeti was in or around excelsior as well. i think the extra cold weather and seemingly endless winter have perhaps slowed the migration patterns of the elusive abominable snowperson(s).

that, or they dig on bike racing.

well the elusive abominable snowman was in for a treat, the excelsior crit (weather aside) was a real treat. i really had a good time for many reasons;
- the event was well run. sweet.
- the course was new (to me anyway).
- there were people watching and cheering, even in the cold.
- bob williams announced the event, and i didn't hear him call us a pack of turtles once!

oh, and for the record dan and i both finished just fine on sunday, thanks for asking.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

something stinks.

ivan basso is back in the saddle.
he won't be eligible to race as of october 24th this year. that's still a little ways out, but that hasn't stopped liquigas taking a play from the johan book, and signing the fallen star.
yes, basso seems to have a knack for getting back into the big leagues after the shit hits the fan,
drug scandal didn't stop johan from hiring basso to discovery. in fact, i wonder if johan offered this time around?
i bet he did.
but, i'd also bet basso would turn him down as astana isn't getting any invites.

and lastly, i'd bet all these returning dopers that have to sign with shitty continental teams are pretty jealous.
though i'm not sure if it's because of basso's protour contract, or his "hot sister"...

maybe both.

Friday, April 18, 2008


it seems like the picks are in.

but i forsee a dark horse.

myself, i hope to finish.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


race one in minnesota is in the books!
tuesday night worlds did not disappoint, and everyone worth their salt was there to test the legs, and to get social for the first time since hibernation began the day after the state cx championships.

it was great seeing all the familiar faces, and catching up.
it's why we love opus.

still, i was left with some unanswered questions (like where was verve racing? and, where did dewey get those amazing shoes?), as well as the earful of excuses and shit-talk ("i was tired cuz they kept making me chase", or "gp just does not know how to control a race").
all-in-all a good time, and a pretty typical opus.

next up; war in the cornfields of durand.

[photos as always- thanks to]

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


saunier-duval cannot attend the tour of georgia.

saunier-duval's amercian bicycle sponsor, scott was disappointed that their bikes would not be shown off at the tdg.

ironically, rock racing, the team everyone is watching, is in.
didn't scott used to sponsor rock racing? oops.

Monday, April 14, 2008

locked, cocked, & ready to rock.

not a moment too soon!
dopus begins tomorrow for most of us, and the new masi is ready to put the hurt on someone.
(most likely me).
the sweet beast is dressed in campy record, and she looks good in it. and before you tell me- i do have a white saddle, but it is nowhere near the lightweight of the slr, so...

see you chumps at the races!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

say hello to my little friend...

oh shit.

fabian means business.

Cyclingnews spotted something special about the bike of Fabian Cancellara. There was a sticker with "Tony M.".
Director Sportif Sunderland explained the "wrong" name, just before he drove off toward the team presentation. "It comes from the movie Scarface."
i guess he's gonna deal with these cockroaches.


cancellara on fame;

"I often search the internet and it's great to see how the others are talking. The wins I have in my bag make me feel comfortable. I have a few things in my pocket that the others don't have".

on boonen in roubaix;

"Last week Tom was already saying that he is so strong, but if you're that strong then I think you need to win races. Since California he didn't win a race, and that is quite long for him, because he is a rider that has the possibility to win more races, and he didn't do it."

on being cancellara;

"I'm more nervous than last week, but I'm still very calm. I need to come to the start in a relaxed way and then during the race I need to get into the jet-stream. Once I get in there, I'm unstoppable."


obviously cancellara is crazy.

... and that is why he can win bike races.

"All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don't break them for no one. Do you understand?" -tony montana

Friday, April 11, 2008

life gave lemond lemons.

thing keep getting stranger around the trek/lemond deal.
here it is in a nutshell;

lemond says lance and co. are dopers. probably.

trek says lemond should shut the hell up.

lemond does not.

trek says we are dropping your line of frames, bitch.

lemond says i'm suing your ass.

trek says, oh yeah, i'm suing your ass too.

lemond says trek are a bunch of jerks, and they didn't try very hard to sell his bikes, compared to treks.

trek says, sure we did, but your bikes suck, (even though we make them). thats why it took us 8 years to meet the minimum quota for european sales... and btw greg, you got fat.

then trek adds, oh and greg, now we are going to start "aggressively" marketing klein road bikes.

will lemond make lemonade?
does anyone want to ride a klein road bike?
what will kelly benefits ride next season? treks? lemonds? kleins? bob browns?
and, who will produce lemond bikes? (giant? specialized? lemond? dispencer?)

find out as the drama continues!

Thursday, April 10, 2008


bike racers. bike messengers. lawyers, doctors, human civilization in general - we all tend to think we are pretty fucking important, don't we?

it's pretty easy to get mad when your toes get stepped on, or when you perceive someone has done some evil to you.



"that dude can hold his line, i hate him".
"that dude almost crashed me, i hate him".
"i was in a disagreement on an online messageboard with him, i hate him".

it's all about making ourselves feel ok about feeling superior to some one.
making yourself feel ok about not needing to work through differences, or admit that it's ok for people to be different than you - or, god forbid, make a mistake.

guess what? it turns out that mistakes are forgivable.
whats more, is that being petty and holding bullshit grudges with people against these "terrible wrongs" that have been committed against you is actually a pretty weak personality trait.

you are not the tough guy-badass that you think you are by not talking to someone.

you end up just looking kind of sad, and laughably pathetic.

i try my best to not let petty day-to-day b.s. get to me. most of the time it works pretty well.
i'm no saint, and i do think that there are issues worth fighting about;
things worth ending friendships over, ending partnerships over, relationships over...
but, trust me, bike racing is not one of them. no hobby is.

do you think you are going to hurt my feeling by ignoring me at a bike race?
or anyone else's?


that's mighty bold. bold to think that this very important drama is going to really affect me deeply, and cause me great pain. how much do you think it will hurt me?

what's the worst you have ever hurt some one?

do you even know?

i do.


i wrote this up a few months ago, it was a winter piece, when i had nothing about bikes to write about, but i couldn't bring myself to post it.

the topic comes up again every once in awhile and i get to relive the whole incident all over again. it tore me to shreds at the time.
it tears me up now.

so, let's talk about hurt feelings, tough guy-


i was stunned.

he'd been my closest friend for years.
we had been though an awful lot of shit together. one of those friendships that is definitely going to last forever.
we'd lived together. traveled together. been to jail together. worked together. we had tattoos claiming our dedication to each other.

i had had his back. 100%.


until (seemingly) out of nowhere he raped another close friend.

he fucking raped her.

i believed her.
we all did.
you have to.
and when we sat down with him, it became crystal clear it was true.

looking back, you can see the signs.
bright as fucking day.

that's the worst part.

the friendships ended right there. all of us.
every single one of his closest friends in the world.

we confronted him on the rape.
we tried to have some dialogue. it didn't work.

it was deny, deny, deny.

things didn't go anywhere. talks broke down.
we gave an ultimatum. basically, a criteria for not being a huge piece of shit.
the friendships we're already broken. he'd lost them already.
but maybe, if he could meet the criteria, just maybe he could salvage some of respect he once had from the community at large.

he didn't even try.

what else can you do? what can you do to someone to make it clear to them that they had really, really, fucked up?

we told him flat out what we expected of him. demands.
we did not demand that he fess up, but we did demand he go to meetings.
we demanded he deal with his shit. get help.

he could keep claiming innocence, fine.
we knew he was lying.
but if he gave a shit about us and our long past friendship, or her and the damage he had done to her life, he should meet these demands.
they weren't really too hard, considering.

he didn't do anything.

he's lucky, if you asked me, that no one broke out the windows of his cafe, or slapped him around.
the word spread quick, and many stopped patronizing the cafe.
none-the-less, it remains a busy place. and a place that feels very woman friendly, even seems woman-owned.

it's quite the opposite.

those that still see him, and knew him "before", say he looks broken.
that he seems hollow and strange. empty.

how else would you look if you destroyed every friendship you had?

i hear it through the grapevine, friends of friends, or his co-workers... sometimes they don't know that i played a role in it... "he's such a nice guy, but it's like he has no friends. i don't understand", they say.

or, "he just seems sad".

i think we gutted him. we hollowed him out, broke him in to tiny pieces, and left the trashed remains to lurch around in the semblance of a regular person.

that's the worst i've ever hurt someone.

but, it doesn't come close to how badly he has hurt someone else.

i don't feel bad for him.


somethings are worth it, even if it kills you to destroy something important to you.
something that is close to your heart.

somethings are not.

don't forget that.

bike race drama will not hurt me. never.
there is no possible way.
you are not half as important as you think you are.


p.s. one of my formerly closest friends in the world, andy lunning, owns the mayday cafe at 35th and bloomington ave.

he raped a friend of mine in 2003.

please keep this in mind when choosing which business' you choose to patronize.

karla is rad.

remember karla?

she just got done racing redlands.

she finished all the stages and didn't get time cut, that is pretty hardcore for a first year cat 2 against the nations best pro's.

way to go karla!

she'll be at sea otter next...
i am jealous.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008


One rider was extremely irritated after the race. Mark Cavendish couldn't deliver the win for High Road, since he didn't even sprint. "Too dangerous, too dangerous," the British rider shouted. "There was no wind and people sprinted who can't even sprint. Okay, it's their right, as it's a one-day race." Cavendish continued fuming. "I nearly crashed five times in the last two kilometres. Five times!" Did he have the legs to win? "Yes, but I didn't even sprint."
from cyclingnews.

Mark was recently compared to lance in cockiness.
i find it hard to believe that was a compliment.

he should go on an urthel ride, seeing his affection for shouting. remember the tour of cali?
mark after his stage 6 relegation;

"I think it's bullshit because when you neutralize a race 15km from the finish when an American is in the yellow jersey, last year, why you can't go with that rule!" a disappointed Cavendish told Cyclingnews. "It's just bullshit -- who is working on this f**king race? I don't understand it. There have been cars in bike races for a hundred years."

"When you have every car in the peloton dropping back to get me on... like it has been in professional cycling for a hundred years... who is working on the jury here? What are you going to do, make it a f**cking crit every day? So now next year they are going to make it a criterium every day!"

class act.

who yells during or after races?

get over yourself.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

omg, that was so funny!

ha ha, i am not retiring!

that was an april fool's gag, and it was undoubtably one of the most hilarious things you've ever read!

i'm racing as much as ever this year, and i am looking forward to it.

here's my early season calendar;

opus worlds (6)
i think i finally figured out that this "training race series" is not training for anyone, so in the past when i've tried to use it as such i got my doors blown off. no more.

durand road race
this will serve two purposes, first to test the legs on the climbs, and second to log some
time in the "poor man's wind tunnel" that is durand's course.

excelsior crit.
4 corners, and about 10 feet of elevation change.
this one will be fast.

gluek road race.
i haven't raced this course before. that'll be nice, i'm getting sick of these races, and i am no timmer. (i.e. i haven't been racing them for 52 years).

charity tt.
here we go again, hurry up and wait!

erik's spring cup.
i have never done a mountain bike race before. maybe it sucks.
i'll let you know.
all i do know is the salem hills is not intimidating at all, so it should be a good place to start.

duluth classic (aka the sub-canadian stage rager)
tt, rr, rr, crit. i should be bang on form by this race. all i have to do is make it through the crit.

state fair crits (6)
who knows why i am doing these races? i know! because they are in town!
that is the only reason. i don't enjoy crits, i don't enjoy st. paul, and i really don't enjoy the state fair.
cat 6 is lucky i enjoy bike racing or they'd be out sixty clams.
my plan is to not suck too bad, and to take the style primes with ease.
they have style primes right?

track racing thursday nights begining end of may.
i'll be there every night that doesn't feature a madison.
i'll be racing to get the team the kos wins, and to have as much fun doing it as possible.

june is full of races too, like the state tt, loon state rr, afton avalanche, and more track racing.

i'm taking a nice break in july, i'll need it.

oops, i forgot about ken woods!
oh no wait, no i didn't.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

moving on.

after competing in 50-60 cycling events per year for the last few seasons, and making markedly little progress, i have decided that i am only a decent bike racer in theory.

not in practice.

so, in light of this, i have decided to announce my retirement from active racing as of today.

i do however plan to be active in the sport, hopefully in a team director role, but possibly in a race director role. (ugh).

for now, i will act as team director for the grumpy's/lgr team, in the role of driving the follow car. i expect to be in that postion as soon as the durand road race, where i hope to be able to pick up most of our riders after they come off the back of the race.
i am also considering several offers from local and semi-local team for director positions. the main drawback being that the is absolutely no money in racing bicycles and therefore the pay is severely lacking.
i however am negotiating for payment in bike parts, food, and floor space after i am no longer able to pay my rent.

if i decide to instead be a race promoter, you can look forward to star-studded fields in the minneapolis area, as i will try to bring in far reaching talent from teams like, wheel & sprocket, all nine yards, clifwater-trek, and skil-shimano.

as an added bonus, i will likely not have to wear lyrca again anytime soon.

see you at the races you lycra-clad hosers!