our masters fields are under attack!
and not just by lsc, (not that we're concerned - they'll crash themselves out anyway).
no, it is much worse.
yes my friends, over the last few
and they want one thing!
categorized racing.
cat 3?
cat 1?
cat 5?
what the hell is that!?
if it doesn't say 40+, 35+, 30+, 50+ or 70+ how do i know if that is where i belong?
where do these suburban, inner-city, punk, hippy, liberal, tree-hugging, war-mongers come up with this crap?
as long as these diaper-wearing, snot-nosed hosers continue to push our old, tired, easily-bruised bodies around, we will continue to lose masters races.
the way i see it, (and it suddenly became clear to me on the sunday morn last), with humans living into their 100's these days, there is easily room for 100 masters categories.
this new-fangled "category" system isn't even based on age at all!
and there is no system in place to calculate "upgrades" or bureaucratic regime to enforce it.
i don't want to race with babies!
i don't even want to race with toddlers!
tell me this, smartguy- what is the point of getting old if you can't race just other old people?
how will you know that your health is fail far less quickly than you competition?
where does it end? not with road racing, i'll tell you what.
did you know that the velodrome in blaine does not even have any master categories!?
preposterous!
why, if i could find my cane, i'd march right up there and give them what for.
yes sir, i would.
i say do away with this "category" talk.
kids have it too easy these days, back when i started racing the courses went uphill both ways.
and we had to race barefoot...
thru the snow...
juniors shouldn't be racing.
they should be out building character.
join the marines or something, racing will still be here if you make it to 30.
and women, don't feel left out! you are still needed!
registration does not run itself! and we will need corner marshalls!
and really weak coffee! who else would make our really weak coffee that we like so much?
we want masters-only racing. yes, it is possible!
lobby your mcf president! write letters!
image this on race day;
4:40am masters 80-82
4:46am masters 78-80
4:50am masters 72-78
4:56am masters 68-72
5:00am denny's opens for grand slam breakfast
5:10am masters 64-68
5:16am masters 60-64
5:24am masters 56-60
5:30am masters 52-56
5:40am masters 49-52
5:50am masters 46-49
6:00am - nap time
6:15am masters 42-46
6:30am masters 39-42
6:45am masters 35-39
7:00am (grand)kids race
7:22am masters 32-35
7:40am masters 30-32
7:59am masters 80+
8:10am masters 75+
8:15am feeding and scheduled nature break. (fiber available).
8:30am masters 65+
8:45am masters 50+
9:00am masters 45+
9:20am masters 40+
9:40am break for grumbling about 'kids these days'.
9:55am masters 35+
10:20am masters 30+
10:45 awards! grape-nuts and participation ribbons for everyone!
and home before noon to get some gardening done and have another nap!
[editor's note; i forgot what the point of this was. i doubt there is one actually. congratulations if you made it this far. whatever.]
3 comments:
you have no idea of the timeliness of your post. you been reading my e-mail this morning?
I, for one, can't wait until they completely remove women's races for the 60+ races, then I can stop training and just worry about dealing with crabby old guys when I'm working registration.
...and just think, your race schedule is under 8 hours, so the organizer wouldn't have to pony up the extra $25 per official for an 8+ hour day.
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