chaos ensues.

iowa was not just about a bike race.
it was an adventure! or, at least i was hoping it would be...

i was not to be dissapointed.

the adventure started on black friday. pretty spooky.

anyway the drive began and, i must say that i am impressed that my bike didn't fall off the roof rack.
that has happened to me twice before, and neither of those times did i have my bike strapped to the car with this kind of craziness.

next came the ticket. no amount of eye-batting could get us out of it.
i guess he didn't swing that way. maybe karla should have tried...

then came the hotel. where the little guy got his daper on.



we also aquainted ourselves with the roomies for the weekend. rayray, fil, lalla, and rookie.
add me and the lg to the mix and thats a party.

then came iowa city! oh boy!
frat bars upon frat bars!

we all enjoyed super rookie getting hammered and making an ass out of himself.
(ray ray more than most).


here ray ray totally destroys the rookie.

the next day, when we got to the race the cutters were there. how fuckin sweet is that!?
pretty sweet. i totally beat one of them for sure.


as the weekend progressed the shorts got shorter. (as they should).



biggest lesson learned this past weekend:

don't fuck with ray ray.

on the news.

the dispencer has all the right answers.

(obviously i was interviewed because i was the sexiest one around, by far).

rock two - continued.

the elite mens race was set to be an epic race. at rock one, swanson didn't even get a call up, but with a strong second place to horner they sure as hell gave him one on sunday.
here's the race report in photographs.



tilford won the holeshot, followed by bjorn and doug.



doug leads the field into the spooky barn.



after the spooky barn came the sand... (this photo is actually from saturdays race).



here is the run up, this is where the cx racers were seperated from the protour racers.
bjorn and doug lead horner up the climb...



...and lap after lap they put gaps into horner...



off the decent lap after lap doug had big gaps, and bjorn raced to 100% perfection, sitting on horner as he closed the gap time after time, until the last lap where bjorn made a brilliant move that horner had no response to...



doug raced a tactically fantastic race, and really earned the win. i have never seen anyone hit the barriers at the speed he was on his final lap. fucking incredible.

bjorn rolled in to a well earned second place, and the local boys put horner on the lowest step of the podium, with tilford claiming 4th.

it was a thrilling race, the best i have seen this year. horner shut down gap after gap without any help, you've gotta hand it to him, but in the end it was too much.



the champs from day one and day two.

coming next: weekend behind-the-scenes!

rock two.

rock two was at the same venue, but a different course. from the maps i thought it would be the harder of the two for me, but after racing it i think it actually suited me better.
crazy.

sundays race format was as follows:
holeshot to a tight 180, long straight away, a little shinanagins to a obscene run up (the same hill we went down on saturday), long fast decent, triple barriers, more straights, another triple, thru a pitch black barn, thru the sand pit, and around to the start/finish.



neither me or sr had any teammates, so we decided to kit up as teamates special for the event in the only matching kits we could find.

the race was pretty awesome, and fast. i tried to take it easy on the run up, and push it everywhere else. that seemed to work well for me.

super rookie blew his tire and made a big scene, (no suprise).

little guy was rocking with the front guys (no suprise), until he was taken out, but he still finished a strong 13th.

karla was killing it in the womens elite race, and was right up with the big favorites until the girl in front of her went down a created a gap that never got closed. karla finished an awesome 7th place in a stacked field. well in the money both days.
good enough to cover her speeding ticket from the drive down!

elite race recap and photos, and lots more to come!

rock one.

today was day one of jingle cx.

it was a pretty sweet event.

photos to come... i left the camera in karla's echo of a car.

the course was tough and included a big sand pit, a little mud, a brutal climb, a ridiculous decent, and a short run up, with a bunch of grass sections inbetween that were fast.
everything you could ask for.

i lined up at the back of the group at the startline, a little pissed i didn't get there earlier.

oh well.

then they announced that the were doing call up in order of registration.
sweet, another perk to pre-reg!

speaking of registration, never have i seen a smoother run reg table.
kudos to the promoters!

i drilled the start, cuz that what you have to do. i was second in the holeshot, and hit the first set of barriers with the front group. after that i faded little by little. i know i was losing time to people on the decent. i was definately on the brakes to much, but most people were. the downhill was rough and rutted.
yikes.

anyway, my race was ok, i rolled in 24th. but the little guy was on fire and finished a strong 8th place!
sr lolled in at 34th or so.

the elite womens race was fun to watch, i was h2o duty so it was double duty, cheering and hand ups. in your face barb.

(i don't mean that).

(mostly).

the mn girls rocked it, linda, linda, karla. all awesome.

the elite mens race was sick. horner won the holeshot with h-wood on his wheel, (almost).
we hung out at the run up and show the locals how to leave dollar primes.

we got horner and swanson to grab dollars from the ground on the way up.
giving back to the scene.

super rookie might have pulled off one of the sweetest cycling moments ever, but i will let him tell you about it. i may have video of that up soon too...

at first horner, tilford, swanson, and bjorn were the front group. then doug seemed to pop and dropped from the group.
the group splintered and doug regained his composure, (and collected a few bucks to pad his sweet salary), and caught bjorn, and then tilford.

horner took the win, and doug pulled off 2nd. not bad.

photos and tomorrows race reports soon!

jingle.

super rookie's favorite local racer taking a high life handup at wiscx.

just a tease. james has more here.

i will have some photos and race coverage up as this weekends jingle cx happens.

why?
because i know at least one person will appreciate it.

literary snark.

so.

the tour of georgia is expanding to a 7 day format.
thats exciting.

disco will be there.



look at this guy.

will he be there?
will he be the leader?

or will this guy?
(look at what a good team player he was, even back then. let alone here).

either way his skinny italian feet are gonna have to find a way into some big ol' nike shoes before next year...
or he could pull the old, "no really, i just like to wear shoe covers in road races" line.

in other cycing blog news;

hey, guys.

tinkoff says no mancebo.

that news is a few days old. why haven't we heard about it on the local blogs? well;
a) smithers is never wrong. (according to smithers)
b) super-rookie does not actually follow cycling. he just posts random information randomly.

also, th gave me a plug a few weeks ago, he recomends checking out the (dis)pencer, "if you need some literary value with your snark".

excellent.

48

i repeat:

who didn't see that coming?

in the bag?

jimmie needs to finish in the top ten to win the cup.

51 laps to go.

jimmie's 10th.

digging for truth like a grave robber.

first, apologies for the delay since the last post.

i just wanted to make sure you thought long and hard about my options.

in recent news, skibby has apperently not seen this yet, otherwise we'd all know about it for sure by now.

also, the little guy got knocked over by a car.
here is a shot of him doing a little dance in happier times.



super rookie told me he didn't think someone was going to come over to the new team, and then he broke down in to tears. it was sad, and disturbing.

he was bawling so bad i almost couldn't make fun of him.

almost.

in case you didn't know, i currently have two jobs. and only one of them sucks.
i really like working at moose & sadie's, it's a good gig and i get to see all kinds of famous people there.

oh, and fyi:

you only have til the 20th to decide to join grumpy's/lgr.
that's right, we have deadlines.

job?

mine sucks.

you know of a good one?

let me know.

seriously.

i am the cat 3 state points race silver medalist.

state cx.

about half way through this race i knew what i had to do.

i was 100% dedicated.

i had been girled by linda and karla. the goal now was to fend off the elusive "double-girl".

i had the potential to be re-girled by both of them, but through sheer will power i was able to dig deep and remain just ahead of linda at the line! thanks to all those fans who supported me with encourgement along the course, i am proud to have beaten those two. i did it for you, the fans.

just another in a long line of successes for me this season.
i don't want to brag, but;

in your face ladies.

karla's mom was there too. but i should probably let karla tell you about that.

ok. here's what i observed throughout the day:


this was my view on the drive to the race. the corolla leaves something to be desired in the leg rom department.


super rookie drove. this is a first.


he managed to catch, and drop this flanders rider. this is also a first for him.




the 'sconie boyz jesse and marko showed up for the festivites.
marko owns my old trackbike now.


i got to watch ezra fall in the mud.


joel too.


the most stylish man in cycling was there as well.
...you know stylin'.

that was the theory i was using for the day.
it don't matter how far otb you are, as long as you're still looking as superfly as possible.

if anyone has a photo lemme know. i didn't take one of myself. (although i should have).

untitled.

holy shit.

hearts pounding. legs are burning.
we were running through a foot and a half of snow like it was nothing.
like there were jackels behind us.
because there were.

crazy.
a perfectly quiet, peaceful winter night turned to complete insanity in about two seconds flat.

it's about that time when i notice the red dots on the ground. following me.
do they have lazer sights on their guns?
you've got to be shitting me.
time to go faster.

across the tracks, through a vacant lot...

by this time i had lost the friends i was with, but that is the standard procedure.
like gazelle versus lion. they can only get one of us if we all go different directions.
may god have mercy on their souls.

i paused in a thicket of trees, trying to catch my breath and figure out how the fuck i'm gonna get outta this mess. all evidence has been ditched. that was priority one.
brain is racing, but not coming up with much. i can see more squad cars flooding the area.
i've got to move. go.
shit.

i make my way across the lot, and over a fence into someones backyard.
it's ok, but the cops will come though and give it a quick once over.
time for my favorite tried and tested evasion method: go the direction least expected.

up.

back up the fence, followed by a leap to the roof of the garage.
face down. 2am. in a foot of snow. on top of someones garage in on the southside of milwaukee wisconsin.
how the fuck did my life get me here?

cops came and went. so did about an hour and a half.
stay silent. don't move. they might see you. where are they? did everyone else get away? shit.

goddamn it's cold. i have to get down.
start to come down. stealthly as possible. hanging from the eve, drop into the backyard.
ok.
shit.

just then a slight movement catches my eye. fear washes over me...
but as quickly as it does it gets washed away by relief. it's a face i recognize.

out of all the yards, in all the neighborhoods, you had to crawl out from under the porch in mine.

poetic.

we walk to the bar on the corner, looking guilty as hell of something, i'm sure.
trading war stories from the events of the evening. still constantly checking over shoulders.

we offered everyone in the place $20 for a ride across town.
they were hammered. no takers.

world updates. local updates.

rummy's out of a job.
thank goodness, now things will finally go back to normal, and we can stop worrying about everything.

big bad bush will be gone in two short years too.
life gave us lemons, and we've made lemonade.

in you face, life.

jingle cross is a few weeks away, and i'm pumped. if matt gives me an upgrade maybe i'll try to get the holeshot on horner. ha.

actually, the way my form is fading, i don't even know if i could last the whole b race on h2o hand-up duty... it's that bad.

but, lgr will be there none-the-less. there are 4 and a half of us are going. (secret k is going as well). think thats a lot? wait until track season starts.

some local team news:

although lsc has picked up some trackies from the fccc, our team will be kicking blue-and-yellow-csc-looking-ass all over the track next season.
(and the sheer blogging power of lgr will rewrite any history that needs rewriting).

it seems there will be some new faces in black and white kits next year as well.
have fun in your sperm helmets, dorks.

word on the street is that cat6 thinks they'll have more than 1 cat 2 on the road next season.
good luck with that.

birchwood is not hosting the srr next season, and will not be using the srr course either.
this is sad, i liked that course.
and tuffy won't get to see "the look" again.
oh, would more teams think about doing neutral water? thanks.

grandstay is not on the track, so who cares?

gp had riders leave for lgr. ha.

oh, so did lsc.
and cat6, and velo bella, birchwood, the hub, alan, silver, and some others as well.

in your face, local cycling scene.

(just kidding).

(but not really).

things that have happened.

got the bonk has some more very interesting information on team grumpy's/lgr, check it out.

karla has done fifty races. you should all feel like as big of a chump as i do. you know you didn't do that many.

gilby is talking politics. she's probably sick of arguing with the boyfriend, so show her some love and give a reassuring word or two.

super rookie put pawlenty back in office. what a dick.

jimmie could win the cup. but who had any doubts about that?

northfield.

i used to go to see disembodied and harvest shows in northfield.
now i go to bike races.

the punk shows used to happen at the key cafe.
or keys cafe, or something.
i don't know if it's still there. they were a good time.

(and yes, i am still nailed to the x).

years later i still find myself in northfield from time to time, and it is usually painful.

as much as i dislike crits, the northfield crit presented by superteam is probably my favorite.

northfield cx on sunday was painful. very very painful.
not a good time at all for me. but it's not my fault.

the course was pretty nice, and had two very noteworthly features.
- the h-i-double hockey sticks.
- and the pinwheel.

since no one can really describe the pinwheel properly, i have opted to draw a picture. enjoy.



crazy. i hear stevencx has some footage.

the hill was pretty brutal. steep and tough already, the organizers decided to throw a set of barriers in the middle of it.
cool guys, thanks.

although i was able to remount and ride the second half of the beast during wamp-up, thanks to my sweet time atac pedals, my race situation did not lend itself to riding, so i was forced to crawl up...

next week is the state champs!
my form seems to spot on to challenge skibby for the dfl.
that's what i call peaking.

more lgr tidbits.

hello, and thank you for tuning in.

if this is you first time here, welcome.

today i am going to tell you a little bit more about some of the finer points of the new grumpy's/lgr racing team.

our team is awesome. some of you may choose to refer to it as "team awesome", because of this.

although that is not the offical team name, i don't blame you.

if you currently ride for a local cycling club, it is more than likely that some one from your team is now on our team. we hope there are no hard feelings. there are none on our end with people that chose not to be on the team. there will be no grudges held.
you will all get chased down.

we have fantastic sponsors. grumpys. masi. body of knowledge. behind bars. bell. easton. moose and sadies. and so many more.

we totally run the mn cycing blog scene, so choose you words carefully.

we have a lot of smart cookies on board. during the races our tactical prowess will crush you.

speaking of tactical prowess, did you know that lgr will have a uscf liscensed coach on staff to help us crush you? no, i bet you did not.

there will be stars on our jerseys. contrary to what tuffy says.

there are only a select few local cycling "superstars" that we are still negotiating contracts with.
they would be fools not to join.

our womens team is gonna kick ass and take names. not like the bettys with sheer volume, but by actually kicking everyones ass. fair and square. if you happen to be a female racer and want a strong supportive team, where you are not lost in the shuffle, look us up.

the dudes side of the team is going to be sweet as well. we will be having a lot of fun, and also winning quite a bit. so if you promoters out there want to save some time, you can make the checks out to "little guy racing".

as a team we will be on the road, the track, cyclocrossing, and a few of us will even race on fat knobby tires. imagine that.

see you at the races.

(dis). part 2.

oh yeah.

(dis) also happens to be the latin name for a city containing the lower circles of Hell, as well as an alternate name for Lucifer.

curious.



p.s.



holidays are coming...
i know what i want.